My Challenge

I am going to be very transparent here, so if you do read this and I’m not just talking to myself, please feel free to drop me some tidbits of encouragement. I can assure you that it will be much needed along the way because this will not be easy at all (shoot, even this is hard)!
 
I come from a beautiful family. I know, I know. This sounds vain, but wait, I said ‘come from’ not ‘am one of’. I have two younger, prettier, and thinner sisters. They have my beautiful mother’s tall thin physique. I am, and always have been the "cute one". (Anyone remember the Mary-Kate and Ashley song?) I have always been the shorter, and unfortunately, the struggle with my weight more sister. Now although I have never been really huge (other than when I was pregnant, ha), I have been larger rather than smaller most of my adult life. I think a lot of it has to do with my past choices and the effects that it has had on my body long term. Which I fully understand is my own fault, but that does not mean that I have to like it! Now, I don’t want to insult or offend anyone, so before I go any further please let me explain. I am not saying that I am ugly or not good enough because of my weight. In fact, I will agree with a select few that think I am rather pretty. I just want to feel comfortable in myself and to have the energy that I know I should have. I want my husband to have someone that others find just as beautiful as he thinks I am.
 
This is going to be as much an emotional, mental, and physically challenging adventure for me. I have to block out a lot of things that were put in my head by certain people whom I’ve let into my life over the years. People who imbedded their opinions about who they think or thought I was. This is hard. It isn’t always easy to repair some of those words that were said or things that were done. You can forgive, but sadly it’s much harder to forget. Thankfully though, I have a stronger voice that I try to listen to everyday. This voice, this voice of truth, tells me that I am fearfully and wonderfully made in God’s own image (Psalms 139:14) and that He is enthralled by my beauty (Psalms 45:11). I am also blessed to have a husband that looks at my inner beauty before he looks at my outer beauty. A man that is smitten with me and thinks I am the most beautiful woman God has ever made. I know that not everyone has such love and encouragement, but I think that we had a lot of people praying for the two of us long before we ever met. I also think that God knew what I was going to go through in my life and He knew what kind of man I would need to heal and evolve from and through that. Like I said, I know that I am incredibly blessed!
 
This new journey all started because my husband is training his body for what lies ahead for him in the months to come. In doing so, he has those genetic genes that we all hate, giving him the ability to work out for five minutes and loose 4 inches within two days. OK, I’m exaggerating just a smidge, but it’s still not fair! I can just walk by carbs or sugar and the weight jumps from it to me in a matter of minutes. If anyone of you have lost your weight recently, I have definitely found it for you! OK, I’m exaggerating again, but you catch my frustrated drift, right? Yea, well I’m done! I want to run and frolic and play (the Eskimo way;) with my kids the way they want me to. I want to jump with excitement when my husband tells me he wants to take me on a cruise instead of frown or cringing at the thought. I want to hang on his arm when he finally gets to wear that (oh so sexy) uniform and feel as gorgeous as he thinks I am.
 
Our anniversary is coming up soon. My goal is to be down one pants size or 10 lbs by then. I have a little over four weeks. I think it is possible and that I can do it if I am willing to work hard enough and push myself through it. I have some wonderful people who have agreed to be my food nazis and a husband who has agreed to be my Jillian Michaels with my workouts. I told him that if this doesn’t work, that means he is being mean to me without reason, or worse too lovingly nice. ;) I think we can do it though. He knows how bad I want this and he is willing to do whatever it takes for me to be happy. Even if that means that he has to make me get out of my warm comfy bed in the dark (and way too early) crisp mornings by yanking the covers off of me and listening to my pre-coffee frustrations. Hang on a minute, I think he might actually find some enjoyment out of this. I’m not quite sure what I think about that. Let me ponder that one for just a minute. Hmm...
 
So this is what I am asking of all of you imaginary people that I’ve convinced myself read these rambling words of mine. I need you to be mean, no scratch that. I’ve had mean before and I’m not too fond of that, let’s stick with "not nice". I need you to be not nice. I don’t always have the strength to walk away from things. The whole "Just Say No" campaign when we were younger didn’t quit take with me. I am going to have to get super strict to meet my goal. So, with the exception of celebrating the lives of my two wonderful sisters (and my BIL) this month, I don’t want to eat any carbs or sugars. No, don’t offer to share your absolutely delicious dessert with me! Be "not very nice" to me!! If you do happen to see me and I have something on my plate or in my hand that is not going to help me, I am giving you full permission to snatch it out of my hands or off my plate. Fair warning though, if you do, please ignore the angry look or pouty face that you may receive to such actions and rest easy knowing that when I can fit nicely in those favorite jeans or that dress that I paid too much for, that you will get a warm smile and a friendly "thank you". I’m sure my husband will thank you later as well. ;)