I have had a lot happen to and around me in the past month. They have all had some sort of effect on me in one way or another, as I’m sure you can imagine. While most of these things are something that the average person could easily deal with and handle on their own, all of these events together have happened in a matter of four very short weeks. This avalanche started when a very good friend of my husband’s passed away unexceptedly four weeks ago today. Then we have had some recent abduction attempts a few streets over from my home and in surrounding areas. Next, a precious friend that I have prayed for years for through some very tough stuff, recently had to watch her fourteen year old daughter undergo a double mastectomy in the hopes of getting rid of breast cancer. Yes, I said fourteen. To top it all off, my husband finally found out that he passed the test in trying to become a MNPD officer (Metro Nashville Police Department), which, I might add, was inspired by his friend who recently passed away.
I know everyone handles things in a different way and different things effect people in different ways, but I feel like I’m having to deal with a whopper of events lately! First there has been the difficult situation with the passing of our friend, Dustin. He was a MNPD officer and he and my husband, Lee, instantly became close friends. Lee doesn’t have a lot of guys that he is really good friends with. He was very shy as a kid and though he is anything but shy now, he still doesn’t have many guys that he really connects with. Dustin was the exception to that. We met through our six year old boys who also instantly became close friends. Our families just clicked. Dustin and Lee shared the same interests and enjoyed the same types of things in life. They would go into depths on a conversation leaving his wife and I to shake our heads and laugh at the obliviousness to our lack of interest.
Dustin was a great guy. He was a great father, loving husband, and a good friend to Lee. He sparked a hidden interest in Lee to become a police officer and then encouraged him to really go for it. I have never seen my husband so excited about doing something. I just knew that this family was placed in our lives for a reason and I could foresee years of friendship and male outings with Dustin, Lee, and our boys together. It was an answered prayer to have my husband and my son find such good friends in the same family. Not to mention how hilarious and wonderful his wife is and that they have a precious little girl for me to foo and drool over and spoil entirely! I would get excited thinking about our families evolving in the years to come as we grew even closer together.
Now, I have had many people pass away in my life. People that went too young, or lived a long and happy life. People that went tragically, and people that had serious illnesses take them away. But I have never had anyone that was ripped from our lives in an instant who was a part of our day to day interactions. Either they went slowly and I had time to prepare myself, or I wasn't very close to them. We had a tangible relationship with this family and he was literally ripped out of our hands. It left us standing open mouthed in shock. I don’t know how to respond to that. I’ve never had the rug pulled out from underneath me in that way before. I’ve had things happen, and I’ve dealt with my share of hard and difficult situations before, but never like this.
It has made me look at Lee in a new level of appreciation. That he is here, that I have him with me, of just soaking him in. I find myself just staring at him with tears in my eyes as I realize how thankful I am that I can touch him and talk to him, that I have him here with me. Lee has dealt with the passing of Dustin in an entirely different way than I have. He is sad for the ones left behind, but he is happy for his friend. He knows that he is in a much better place with no more pain, no more tears, no more sadness. He feels like he gained a friend that never leaves him. He talks to Dustin all the time. Anytime he would normally pick up the phone and call or text him, he now simply talks to him. With each new step in applying for the MNPD, he has mentioned how he has felt or talked to his friend as if they were hanging out again and Dustin was cheering Lee on.
I keep thinking about his wife and his babies. I think about what I would feel and how my entire world would be flipped upside down if that had happened to me. My heart is broken for my friend and for her children. I know she is a strong woman and I see that she is mourning in a healthy way, but I also know that she has her moments and she has an ache that will never be healed in this life. That hurts me. I recently said this to another friend whose child passed away two years ago. They resinate true for my feelings towards this as well. "I hate that you hurt! I hate that you have to face this every day! I hate that there is nothing I can do to make it better! But I am thankful that I know you! Thankful that you are my friend! Thankful that I can pray for you! Thankful that I can learn from you and from God through you! Thankful that you have taught me to be a better wife, a better mother, a better friend in times of need, a prayer warrior on others behalf, and a person whose heart can be filled with compassion for another. I know it doesn't ease your ache, but God's ripple effects are so much greater than you could ever imagine!" This is for you, my sweet and hilarious friend. I love you and I never stop praying for you!
About a week after all of this happened, I received an email from one of the mothers in my children’s school PTO. It was about a recent abduction attempt that occurred just a few streets over from my home. I know that there are things like this that happen all over the world. Yes, I feel horrible for all of the mothers that have to go to bed every night wondering if there child is safe, hurt, crying, sick, abused, neglected, endangered, used, or dead. I could not even begin to fathom what that must feel like. My heart just sinks thinking about ever having to wonder at those thoughts. I have always been nervous and cautious of the safety of my children. No, I am not one of those moms that wont let me kids out of my sight or has fears of them falling out of trees. My kids love our huge climbing tree and seeing how high they can convince themselves to go! I am always aware of strangers though and leery of circumstances where my overly trusting child could be lured away from me.
The part that has really infuriated me is the lack of attention this seems to be getting. I am one who believes that if you don’t know, you don’t know. So why aren’t we screaming about this from the rooftops? Why is there not a meeting or a letter or a clip on the ten o’clock news? In searching out answers to my "why" questions, I have come up with some disturbing evidence. There seems to be a series of recent events like this in neighboring counties as well. Different guy, different van, but the same type of approach. Now, I may not be a detective, but I can put one and one together to make two. This appears, to me, to be a tiered effect of some type of human trafficking ring that is basing it’s victims on the Nashville area. I don’t know about anyone else, but that scares me to no end! I mean, we are not just talking about some creepy guy that wants to do disgusting things to children, we are talking about professionals. People who make some serious money from of selling children to foreign countries to be sex slaves for years to come until they are considered too old. Upon which they are finally are put out of their misery by horrible deaths. We are talking about our children! They are someone’s baby. Someone’s heart being tortured repeatedly, continuously, and unending. Now it appears as though these guys want to get children from my area! This is not ok! This is hitting really close to home. While I have always been cautious, the recent events have sent me into overdrive. I am scouting out creepy men, unmarked vans, and friendly strangers who want to stop and admire or chat with my children. I don't want to live in fear. I don't want to be anxious. I know that is not what God wants or has for me. I know that I should teach and prepare my children, be cautious and pray, and trust in God to protect his precious blessings. Somehow that makes sense in my head, but I can’t seem to fully wrap my brain around it.
Someone once said, "When it rains, it pours". Well, that someone must have known how the enemy works, because he has been hitting me and people I care about around me in overdrive. I few weeks back a dear friend who I have known and prayed for through some really tough times found out that her young daughter has breast cancer. I know! We all felt and thought the same thing too. I don’t think anyone has ever heard of someone this young developing breast cancer. It is most assuredly rare, but devastating all the same. After weeks and weeks of specialists, surgeons, pediatric physicians and pediatric specialists meeting to determine the best possible way to attack this, a conclusion was made to perform a double mastectomy in the hopes of getting all of the cancer out. This was a hard and trying time for my friend. Any mother can only imagine what she must have been thinking and feeling having to make that decision. However, I think she made the right and very brave decision to go ahead with the surgery.
Little did they all know that God was laying my dear friend on my heart and that I was to help carry her through this tough time. Not to mention all the other things that have been going on in and around my life that I have been piling on as well. So, last Monday my friend’s fourteen year old daughter underwent the knife for a painful double mastectomy. She is the strongest and bravest young lady I know! I had the joy of getting to visit quiet frequently with these precious ladies while they were in the hospital as they were right down the street from where I work. I am still in shock at how vivacious and lively she was less than twenty-four hours after such an extensive surgery. Her attitude and courage is something I strive to be like, that’s for sure! Though she has had a bright smile and a sarcastic comment to keep the mood light, her mother has, understandably, had a hard time dealing with the stress of it all. I have prayed fervently for my friend. I’ve sent her numerous references of God’s promises and encouragements. I’ve tried to be there for her to be a shoulder to cry, on a hug of rest, and even a soundboard of frustration. She has done well, better than most. Yes, she has lost sleep, but she has gained so much love from others that at times I think she got her energy and strength from that alone. I am incredibly proud of both of these ladies! They have had to tackle something that no woman should ever have to go through, and they have come out stronger, braver, and closer to God because of it. I am humbled and grateful to know and love them!
Last but most definitely not least, is my husband’s recent news of passing his test for the MNPD. I know a lot of people would think that’s not that big of a deal, but for our family it is monumental! We have a wonderful marriage. Good communication, laughter and enjoyment from each other that is better than we ever could have even imagined possible. The enemy is so shaken by the strength of our connection to one another that the only attack he can throw our way has been with our finances. It seems like every time we have started to pull ourselves out, he will inevitable push us back down again. This time it’s different. This time I feel the Holy Spirit confirming that we are on the right path stronger than I have ever felt before. I know that this is where God wants my husband. He has confirmed it over and over to us. That doesn’t mean that He is going to hand it over on a silver platter either. We have to work for it, go out there and claim it and get it! The MNPD is a great and nationally renowned force. Because of that, they are not the easiest to get into. It is a long and trying process that we started months ago. We have painstakingly completed every step that is required of us so far in order to get to the academy. This last step being the most stressful on Lee. He had to perform a physical test and take a written test, which is rumored to be unlike any test ever taken and unable to study or prepare for. He was so nervous! He took both tests two weeks ago right after he lost his dear friend. He was so anxious about having to wait two weeks for the results, but we knew it was in God’s hands. Last week, he called me and read the email confirmation that he had passed. I was overjoyed with excitement for him and I don’t think I have ever felt more proud! He did it! I knew that he could, knew that he would, but man it felt good knowing that he had! The reality of this and the job that this is bringing on has started to slowly sink in. I know that this is the perfect job for my husband and I know that he is stepping into God’s will with this. I also know the statistics are more favorable than they used to be and that we have an ultimate protector that will never leave his side. So why am I so nervous? Why do I feel like I am having to let a part of him go? Why do I feel like I need to be prepared for the unthinkable "just in case"? Why do I have "why" questions going on in my head at all? Haven’t I learned over the years from events, trials, studying God’s Word, and listening to His still calm voice that there is no need to ask? That He has it all figured out and He will let me in on it bit by bit as He sees that I am ready? Yup. That’s me. Thickheaded and stubborn. Sometimes that can be a good thing, other times it’s not so much. I think this is one of those not so much times.
I am trying to take each of these recent events and be diligent in praying for them, cautious and aware of them, and teachable and accepting of them without being broken down and burdened by them. I love that God brings people and circumstances to me and tells me to lighten their load. I love praying for and helping people. I find so much joy and fulfilment in life from encouraging others! I want to share God’s Word and His promises with people in their times of need. It’s what I am called to do more than anything else. If I could find a way to make money doing it, I would do it all day, every day! It is what I thrive on! Somehow though, I have got to learn how to do what I love without neglecting my heart; my family. I have got to figure out how to carry these burdens that God has brought to me and lay them, entirely, at the foot of the cross. I have to learn how to carry them to the throne and then walk away empty handed. This is my struggle. This is what I haven’t figured out how to do on my own. So, today I am going to talk to someone about how to do just that. After having some wonderful women that God has placed in my life as my heavenly sisters gang up on me and tell me that I have to talk to someone about how to not let this consume me, I have decided to take that next step in being who God wants and calls me to be. If I am to do all that God has called me to do, and to pray for, encourage, and carry these people’s burdens, then I have to learn how to do that in a healthy way so that I can continue to be the wife, mother, daughter, sister, and friend that I am called to be as well.
I have had people tell me over the years how strong they think I am and how much faith they think I have as they have watched me go through some really tough times in my life. I would always tell them, "I’m not strong, I’m just trying to survive." I am learning though, that’s what strength is. Strength
is surviving. It is looking a difficult situation, that seem unbearable, square in the eye and continuing to press and not letting it consume you. The only way I am able to do that is because I know that no matter what comes my way or what the enemy tries to throw at me, I have my God right there by my side fighting with me and fighting for me. I hope I continue to have people think of me as "a strong woman of faith." What better legacy could I leave than that?
